Readers, this post was inspired from a friend who I never thought could be anything but refreshing. She awed me with her constant creation of new words, cleanliness, random outbursts, naive feelings and genuine loveliness. Then a man broke her heart. Or her core as she says, not just her heart. This didn't happen yesterday, or a month ago. It's been quite a while and yet it's like watching a dog whose companion, owner has died. It's not comparing a dog to her. It's comparing the restlessness the dog feels knowing of his companion's death, not having the companion around, the droopiness and nostalgia of the dog. The melancholy of it all. It's not exactly depressing in this case, it's more of a question. Where is my friend? Where did she go and when will she back? It's like leaving a voice mail because she doesn't answer my questions. She isolates herself and doesn't know what to do with herself. She feels like she doesn't know who she is and hates who she's become. If she knows this already, what am I supposed to help her with? But this isn't the question or the topic of the blog post. What is being acknowledged is the aftermath of this tragedy. How can a breakup turn into one's breakdown. Watching a close friend's world being ripped apart and twisted into a frame you don't recognize anymore.
How do you allow someone to become your everything? Love, she says.I don't doubt the word is meant, felt and now the cause of it all, but how did this become so? Love is not supposed to be an addiction or drug with the side effects of a total crash. Love is supposed to be inspiring. Love doesn't take away your identity. Only you can allow that. I still stand by this, let people in but don't let them take over who you are. Be you plus the person you love and creating an unstoppable duo, not becoming one person. They say marriage makes you one person. I disagree.
SIDENOTE: And why are we now jumping to matrimony, you may ask? I only use it as the utmost act of love and commitment but if you, reader, don't believe in matrimony to be just that then ignore the example and substitute in your belief.
Where were we?..... The duo versus The one. Talking to her has left an impression on me. Every time we talk I learn a bit more of the shattered heart, broken spirit and weak-minded person that guy left in place of my grandiose, peppy and strong-minded friend. Can a person really do this to someone? Why don't I have an antidote to cure all those people who aren't themselves anymore? The result of heartbreak shouldn't be vengeance or a distaste for love... as a matter of a fact I don't exactly know what it should be, but I do know it shouldn't leave an opposite person in its place. When did we decide that who we were before wasn't good enough? Or decide that person can't face the world alone? I think of it like this friend, it rained on the flower and though it lost a few petals from the hard drops, the flower then used the rain to grow bigger. I have faith that you will see how wonderful and lucky you are.
To the cheers we will make.
